Something that has helped me tremendously since Patrick passed away was being secure in the knowledge that he just slipped away quietly. That he never noticed anything happening to him. That he did not suffer.

At least that was the message we either got, or chose to get from what we were told by those involved. That is, by all accounts, what it looked like.

I do still hope that was the case because honestly, I cannot not bear the thought that he might have been scared in those last moments...with neither of us beside him.

During our call with the wonderful Dr. Krous, he raised a few possibilities that sort of unsettled me a bit in that regard.

The fact that there were food particles in his lungs had previously been explained by the resuscitation attempts that went on for about an hour. Seeing that he had eaten his lunch just before nap time, it would probably not be uncommon to have stomach contents dislodged during this, at times, very forceful process of trying to bring him back. Dr. Krous however, introduced the possibility that Patrick may have suffered some kind of a seizure which would also explain what was found. Unfortunately, if I remember correctly, he did not have the samples/information he might have needed to determine for sure whether or not this could have been the case. (Some form of standardized procedure reg the autopsies of those kind of deaths may be beneficial in ensuring that research facilities get to receive information that will have all areas covered?)

Another possibility would be some sort of cardiac condition that went undetected. Long QT (or a form thereof) being an option. Again, there are cardiac problems that cannot be detected postmortem. Only genetic testing could show whether or not Patrick may have suffered from some cardiac condition.

Either way, both options have for me (and my head loves to do those things) called into doubt that thought of him just slipping away in his sleep. I now wonder what if...

And if there is one thing I would have hated, it is that. That he was scared, or suffered in any way...be it physically or emotionally. I guess we might never know for sure and I also reckon I should have asked Dr. Krous this at the time because I do think my imagination may be running away with me here.

We did get the recommendation to get ourselves and the young lad tested thoroughly again and have already gotten in touch with CRY Ireland who offer cardiac screening to families affected by the sudden loss of a young person/family member.

I guess this is all we can do right now. Get ourselves checked out.

I just hope my little boy did not feel frightened and was not in pain when it happened. As we were not able to be with him and hold him, I hope that someone from the other side took him gently and minded him.

Miss you loads my little darling...



P.S.
(By the way, Dr Krous did mention that he did not think the apparent lack of neurons around the arcuate medulla would have had anything to do with it. He feels the lack of neurons could be explained by where the sample was taken from and how and probably had nothing to do with the outcome...Instead, while they could not detect anything from the information they had at hand and therefore ruled his death SUDC, they figure that either something along the seizure or cardiac could potentially be to blame.)