As we are getting closer and closer to welcoming this new baby into our world, my head seems to be all over the place. Physically, I am quite ready but emotionally I go from being maybe ok to not being ready at all. On top of it all, the memories from the day Patrick died seem to be coming back randomly and more often. They bring with them such an overwhelming sadness, too. I am wondering how I will be able to cope with the new baby while still not being able to accept his brothers absence.

I also wonder how I will be able to cope with actually having this baby because there are times when I think that I won't be able to manage at all and would really like if he could just stay put altogether.

At the end of the day, we can just try and get through everything as best as we can but missing Patrick is the worst feeling in the world.