Thursday 28 April 2016

Thanatology - Death Cafes - And Compassionate Cities

Four months ago, I embarked on a new journey. I packed my backpack, pen and notepad and headed over to Milford Hospice to attend the introductory evening for a 14 week pilot program called:

Thanatology - an Introduction. The study of death, dying and grief.

I am sure some of those who heard about this were wondering what in the name of God I would be doing a course like that for. Sure, isn't it all a bit morbid? (Actually, no, it is not really. :))

Well, I guess my initial reasons for signing up was that I might learn some more about what I have been through and may still be going through in my own personal grieving process. Knowledge is power and being better equipped might help me deal with more difficult times still ahead.

In the end, I got so much more than that. Yes, I learnt a lot about myself, about death, dying, grieving and how different cultures deal(t) with these things throughout time. I learnt about the wonderful work hospices do, about palliative care, the Compassionate Communities and Death Cafe movements and the importance of thinking ahead; to have those conversations about what our preferences are when it comes to end of life care or in the event we can no longer decide for ourselves and to have them in a relaxed setting, when there is no urgency.

The lectures were informative and very thought-provoking and the discussions passionate.

Above all though I feel extremely privileged to have been allowed to spend the last weeks with an incredible group of people - as diverse as they come, each with their own story. We laughed together, we shed tears at some of each others stories and we grew together during those Wednesday nights.

Last nights presentations, which formed part of the course work, displayed an incredible level of talent and depth of thought. We were allowed to catch yet another glimpse of each others true selves and saw strength, vulnerability, faith, happiness, sadness and much, much more.

Thanatology - an Introduction...It has taught me as much about life and living as it has about death, dying and grief.

Death is inevitable and part of life. Not discussing it won't make it go away. Discussing it, accepting it and connecting with it, helps us combat our fears and draw out our own wishes and preferences. We grow comfortable enough to open this conversation with our loved ones. I believe that this ultimately will make us better at making decisions with confidence when the time comes. It means we know that our own wishes are known and will be taken into account. It will make us better at offering compassion and support when someone we know goes through loss (of any kind) and or critical/terminal illness because we will have a better understanding of what to do or say.

The course made me also appreciate that loss comes in many guises aside from the obvious.

Loss of a relationship
Loss of a job
Loss of a friendship
Loss of ones faculties/body parts through illness
Miscarriage
Infertility
...

Each requires its own grieving process and we, as a society, can do so much more to support each other through these experiences, removing stigma and improving somebody's quality of life as a result. That is why I am supporting Limerick's bid to become the world's 3rd Compassionate City.

"A Compassionate City is one in which citizens can feel supported in the face of illness and loss – in schools, workplaces, cultural and spiritual forums so that the personal and social costs of these issues – such as loneliness, depression, anxiety and physical illness can be reduced."  

I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to do this course and to have been introduced to so many new experiences and wonderful people.

"Love the life you live. Live the life you love." - Bob Marley