The 2017 Children's Hospice Advert had me in tears. It tackles the difficulty of one of the many firsts the bereaved encounter in the first year of their loved one dying...the first Christmas. If you have not seen it, you might consider looking at it here. It is beyond powerful and poignant and allows a glimpse at just how difficult special occasions such as Christmas can be.

While certainly the first Christmas is the hardest, I find that random ones that follow can feel as difficult...if not even more so. Perhaps it is Christmas also marking the coming to an end of another year that make it a painful reminder of how time whizzes past. 2017 was our 7th festive season without Patrick. It seems so long and yet I wonder how time went by so quickly.

I am not sure what made that year seem harder than previous ones for me. All I know is that I seemed to feel his absence stronger. I remember our last Christmas together - him opening his presents and us taking a picture together Christmas morning. Precisely one month later he was gone.

I hope that people facing into their first Christmas without a loved one this festive season got through it as gently as possible. One day at a time. And I hope holding onto the good memories helped.


We made it through ourselves and are now once more facing into another January. Another anniversary looming large in just a couple of weeks. Still we wonder just how we ended up *here*. No matter how much time passes, it never feels 100% real.

Miss you, my little dude.