It's been strange to get used to some aspects of our new reality without Patrick.
For instance, we might confuse each other when speaking about subsequent children. I remember once speaking with my husband about having this one and then probably not leaving too much time between it and number three. My husband somehow figured this one would be well in school by the time we have "number 3"....which confused me until I clarified that to me Patrick was 1, this one, 2 and the next 3.
Or that visiting a grave has become part of our new reality. Not just any grave either. Knowing that it is your own child buried there makes it surreal somehow. We still stand there every time wondering how the heck this ended up being our new reality.
Finally deciding that it would be a good idea to get some quotes for headstones is yet another one of those things that somehow has become part of our new reality. We should not have to be doing this but somehow we do and while it might have taken us a bit subconciously, we eventually did decide to venture out and look at a few places. At almost 30 weeks pregnant, we thought it might be good before this one makes its entrance and occupies most of our time.
We found one place closed; could not find another place at all and while we eventually found the third, the owner was just out. So a good 2 hours, a lot of driving around and none the wiser.
Of course these things just happen but somehow it bugged me and after a bit of pondering, I put it down to it actually being a difficult enough task to go about. Whether you realise it or not, it's not easy to go out and pick out a headstone for your child's grave and you would have somehow wished you could have got done what you wanted without this much difficulty. All we wanted was show them a picture of what we had in mind and get an idea of the cost.
Same again next Saturday so.....
