It is the end of the summer. Soon dozens of little boys and girls will return to school and for some it will the first step into the big wide world as they are starting in Junior Infants.
On August 28th 2014, St. Nessan's School in Mungret opens its doors again. This is the school that I put Patrick's name down for when he was less than a year old. The school, I had to call into to tell them know that they needed to remove his application as he was deceased.
Instead of picking school bags and buying books and uniforms, the day will pretty much come and go like any other for us. Apart from that feeling that it should not be like this. We should be sending him off with his little friends. A new chapter of his life should be starting that day.
But it won't.
And these little milestones, they sneak up on you. You wonder how it is that this much time has passed already. And with that, I feel myself growing unsure of what I am mourning anymore.
Patrick will always be 22 months to me. I don't know what he'd look like now. I don't know what books he'd like, or movies, or toys. I have no idea what he'd be like now, aged 5 and a half....And I hate it.
As much as mourning another missed milestone, I think I am mourning this.
He is slipping further away from me with every year that passes.
Miss you darling....