It is funny...a brief glance around the bedroom this morning and a rummage around my brain just a second ago made me realise something:
1. The towel we used to change Patrick on the bed in the mornings is still hanging over the bed post...just where it was put the last time it was used on him the morning of January 25th. Have not washed it and have not even thought of taking it away to wash it. Neither do I know when it might get taken away.
2. The jumper Pat wore that day is also still somewhere at the back of the wardrobe...unwashed.
3. Patrick's things are still in the creche also.
Three things I am not able or willing to address...almost 16 months on. And I am not even sure why those things and not something else. I need them to be where they are and I want them to remain where they are.
How very unlike my otherwise so organised self. Maybe it is a bit like what Pat was feeling those first weeks and months every time he came home to something being done in the house:
Too much has changed already. Enough with the changes, let's keep things where they were when everything was right and familiar and the way they were supposed to be.
Some changes we have no influence over, so let's be careful how we deal with those we have a say in.
Knowing those 3 things are where they are, gives me some strange comfort...so why change that....